50 Crazy Things in my 50th Year – Recap


With Dawn Nelson at the Polar Bear Swim – blame her, she started all of this!

The dust is starting to settle after my birthday and the completion of 50 Crazy Things in my 50th Year. I’ve heard congratulations from many of my friends, and even people I don’t know. I’ve heard of how my adventures have inspired others to try new things, and even some people planning their own list of crazy things before a significant birthday. It’s amazing how we can have an affect on people just by being ourselves, and sharing our lives.

In the past year I faced some of my fears head on. Think dating… and trapeze school! I may not have conquered them, but I stared them down and made them just a little smaller, and a little less powerful. Each time I try something that fear monster will keep getting smaller – I definitely confirmed that in the past year.

The Scream

The Scream

I did things in the past year that were just silly, or spontaneous like driving to Kelowna to do an escape room, or getting my nose pierced with Krista, Monica, and Jody – I definitely didn’t see that coming. These are the things we hear about and think, “Gee, that sounds like fun…” but then we get to busy and never do them. I’m happy to say I did them… and more! What I discovered is looking at the world in a certain way becomes a habit. If I saw the opportunity for adventure I usually took it, and I put it out there for others to join me. The cool thing is, they often jumped at it, and then we were all a little more spontaneous or silly.

When I went back to Meadow Lake, SK, in the summer with my mom I went back to the place where I was born. It doesn’t sound like a big deal. It’s not like I was born somewhere exotic. But I’d thought about it for so many years and found all kinds of lazy reasons not to do it. We went, and it was a good thing for both of us, facing the past and the future. I’m so glad we took the time to go.


I did some things alone, and they were magical. I hiked the Berg Lake Trail, having never done an overnight backpack before. I spent time with myself and discovered not only a beautiful outer landscape but a special inner one as well.


On the Berg Lake Trail – my first glacier

Friends and family jumped at the chance to get crazy with me, and several jumped multiple times. I had enthusiastic bridesmaids for the Rock n’ Roll 10K, a group of crazy people did the Conair plane crash hike with me. Amanda flew to Florida with me, ran her first half marathon (actually ran her first anything), and rode rides with me while risking the fact that I could very well throw up on her. Krista, Monica, and Jody (all repeat Crazy Thing participants) even ate bugs with me… that is true friendship! And I can’t even count how many people generously supported me by helping me raise an insane amount of money for Alex’s Lemonade Stand while they enjoyed “dressing the fairy”. Dawn Nelson, the crazy woman who suggested my 50 Crazy Things in my 50th year, even did the Polar Bear Swim with me and together we encountered magic we truly weren’t expecting. There were also countless people who supported me in the best way they could – by cheering me on, reading the blog posts, and enjoying my frequent episodes of discomfort. Support comes in many forms and I recognize and appreciate all the support I have in my life.

I want to thank all of the people who helped me, participated with me, and cheered me on. I love all of you.

The biggest thing I learned, or maybe remembered, is that life rarely happens when you’re sitting on the couch looking out the window. It happens out there. Habits are meant to be broken, and rebuilt as new habits. Bars are meant to be raised. Fears are meant to be faced.

What next?

I plan to continue my crazy things – just not with a deadline. I plan to live a crazy life. There were a lot of things I couldn’t fit into my year. The list is still there and it is growing. I will keep blogging about it because people seem to enjoy reading about my discomfort.

My whole reason for starting this journey was to stop the trends I saw solidifying in my life. My life was getting smaller… I’m stopping that. I was saying no more than yes… I’m stopping that too. I want a life that is richer, and one that is filled with more great adventure and more great people. My next 50 years are going to be very busy!

Oh, and to answer that question AGAIN… I am still not jumping out of a perfectly good airplane or tying an elastic around my ankles and jumping off a cliff! Crazy… not stupid!

The list

So here it is, the complete list of my 50 Crazy Things with links to each of the blog posts. Thank you all for sharing this with me. It’s been a wild ride and I’m only getting started! Who’s in?

#1 – Run the Disney Princess Half Marathon
#2 – Ride a roller coaster without throwing up
#3 – Fund raise for a charity
#4 – Run a 10K and a Half Marathon back to back
#5 – Run half marathons on each coast in the same year
#6 – Join the circus (Trapeze School)
#7 – Embrace Obstacles (Foam Fest)
#8 – Walk above the water (Suspension bridge)
#9 – The Berg Lake Trail
#10 – Return to the place where I was born
#11 – 10X up the steps to the lighthouse in Cochin, SK
#12 – Let my cousin drag me around a lake while she tries to kill me
#13 – Hike to the Conair plane crash site
#14 – Go on a date
#15 – Beat the Blerch – Get out of control
#16 – Ride on a motorcycle
#17 – Wear a wedding dress
#18 – The Moustache Miler – spontaneous mingling
#19 – Drive home in my pajamas
#20 – Night skiing away from civilization
#21 – Do a virtual run
#22 – Follow intuition and rediscover magic
#23 – Go out for New Year’s
#24 – Polar Bear Swim
#25 – Make a snow angel
#26 – Give blood again
#27 – Eat a bug on purpose
#28 – Ski the hills without putting the brakes on
#29 – Learn to paint
#30 – Climb a tree
#31 – Go ice skating
#32 – Go rock climbing
#33 – Get passionate (Passion Party)
#34 – Snowshoe race
#35 – Improve at a sport (Cross Country Ski Lesson)
#36 – Downhill Skiing
#37 – Have headshots taken by a professional photographer
#38 – Let a photographer do a portrait
#39 – Get a tattoo
#40 – Visit an Escape Room
#41 – Run a half marathon without training – just because
#42 – Volunteer somewhere scary
#43 – Ladies’ choice (get my nose pierced)
#44 – Ski a half marathon
#45 – Write a screenplay
#46 – Street photography
#47 – Photograph star trails
#48 – Take a selfie every day
#49 – Self portrait
#50 – Turn 50 with a smile on my face

50 Crazy Things in my 50th Year – Thing #13 – Hike to the Conair Plane Crash Site

Cabin Lake

Cabin Lake

A couple of years ago a group of us in two pickup trucks drove on the worst road I’ve ever been on to get a Gold Country geocache at Cabin Lake. We were trying to finish the first series of Gold Country geocaches and this was one of the hard ones to get. The cache itself is pretty easy to find and Cabin Lake is a beautiful spot. The problem here is THE ROAD FROM HELL!

Leaving from Highway 8 between Merritt and Spences Bridge, one of my favourite roads by the way, the road to Cabin Lake starts off innocently enough – a 25 Km winding gravel road that is well maintained, dotted with lovely little ranches and acreages. The road climbs up into the mountains before reaching a Y turnoff. This is where things get ugly. The last 5 Km to Cabin Lake is by far the worst road I’ve ever been on… no… seriously… THE WORST!

It took us a good hour to travel 5 Km. Several times we had to get out of the trucks to see how we could get through difficult spots – the whole road was difficult. One time we had to all stand on the back bumpers of the trucks so the front bumpers would clear the gullies we were driving through. At times we got out and added rocks so at least three wheels could touch at once. My mother swore she would never travel on that road again (and she has remained true to her word). On that trip we found the geocache and then split up. We (John Buchanan, Yvonne Odber, Sophie Odber, Mom and Me) were going to get another harder Gold Country cache at the Cornwall Hills forestry lookout near Ashcroft. Rejean and Alisa, in the other truck, were going to do a hike to a nearby plane crash site. We all wished we could do both, but we chose Cornwall. Still, the plane crash was in the back of our minds but thanks to that road we pretty much ruled out ever going back.

When it came time to pick things to do for my 50 Crazy Things the plane crash hike was on my list. I sent John a message asking if he and Ava (his truck) would like to go back to Cabin Lake to do the hike. He flat out said no. Then he sent another message saying, “Ava was kicking up her heels/tires, begging to go… I guess we’re going”.

It was crazy to do that road once having heard what it was like. It was absolutely nuts to go in again KNOWING what the road was like.

So, on August 23rd we loaded up in two trucks and nine of us drove up into the mountains looking for adventure and the wreckage from a plane crash. In Ava was Yvonne Odber, Sophie Odber, and John. In the other truck (no name) was Landon Dick, Jaydan Dick, Krista Dick, Jody and Gerry Lenarcic, and me. Smoke from fires in Washington State made the trip hazy and in a way it set the mood for the haunting journey we were about to make.

The Road
Oddly enough, the road was definitely not as bad as it was the first time. Sure, the trucks were totally pinstriped by trees and brushes by the time we got back (that’s how you know you had a good time in the bush), and at times it felt like we were on a roller coaster, but we never had to get out and stand on the bumper so I say that was a win. It didn’t take us an hour this time, maybe 45 minutes, and then we were at the lake where we were surprised to see multiple campsites in use by campers driving vehicles that had also survived the road. I don’t want to leave you with the wrong impression, though. It’s still the worst road I’ve ever been on!

The Hike
A 10 Km hike (round trip) to the plane crash site on Stoyoma Mountain, the trail is not terribly difficult or dangerous.


Figuring out what trail we’re supposed to be on


The smoke creating a haze at Cabin Lake


Cabin for rent at Cabin Lake


Someone called these Hippy Sticks


Jaydan – King of Balance

Leaving from the lake we climbed further into the smoke through alpine meadows, catching spectacular views that were enhanced by the smokey sky. The wildflowers that paint the landscape with bright colours in alpine regions were nearing the end of their season but still spectacular. The scenery was magnificent. Eventually we found ourselves above most of the smoke in a rocky valley along the slope of Mt. Stoyoma.


The smoke in the valley.


The Crash Site
Our first view of the plane crash site came as we left a grove of thick trees that opened into the exposed valley. What seemed like small pieces of metal were glinting in the sun on the slope of the mountain. I had a hard time seeing it at first, it looked like a natural part of the rocky slope. As we got closer, though, the size of the pieces became evident.

Even with a zoom lens the wreckage looked small from a distance.

Even with a zoom lens the wreckage looked small from a distance.


Landon, a volunteer firefighter, surveying the landscape.

We stopped in the valley and ate lunch on some large boulders before we picked our way up to the wreckage. Arriving at the wreckage, which is strewn in large and small pieces down the mountainside, the size became much clearer. The plane was large, and the scope of the debris field gave us a chilling idea of how violent the crash had been.

Krista and Jaydan

Krista and Jaydan

This was when I realized how grateful I was that I was with the people I was with. There was no joking, or disrespectful talk when we were at the wreckage. It wasn’t necessarily somber, but it was reflective. A man had died here, and he did it providing a service that people who live in BC’s interior rely on every summer. Living in a world of trees and hot, dry desert summers we are nothing without firefighters.

Conair #24
The wreckage we were visiting came from Conair #24 – a Douglas A/B-26 Invader that had started out in the US Air Force. Later, in 1957, it was registered as a civilian aircraft after it was sold to a private company. In 1971 it was purchased by Conair Aviation of Abbotsford where it would be used to fight forest fires. On August 10, 1971, it crash landed in Prince George, but survived to fly again.

This was Conair 24, the same wreckage we hiked to on Stoyoma Mountain.

This was Conair 24, the same wreckage we hiked to on Stoyoma Mountain.

Conair 22 in action

This is Conair 24’s sister plane, Conair 22, in action.

Three years later, almost to the day, on August 11, 1974, pilot Eric Yuill was flying Conair #24, fighting forest fires in a particularly bad summer for fires in the BC interior. By the time Yuill took off that day it was already one of the most tragic summers in the BC Forest Service firefighting program. On August 2nd, while fighting a fire 13 Km southeast of Ashcroft, a DC 6 Tanker (number 41) crashed killing all three crew members on board. Within 9 days two Douglas A26’s crashed, killing their pilots. The second was Eric Yuill. The wreckage of Yuill’s plane is still in its resting place on Stoyoma Mountain. According to one person who recalled the incident, Yuill’s plane wasn’t found for three weeks after the crash. I have no idea if this is true or not. But either way, it’s very sad.




IMG_0268  IMG_0280  IMG_0294




Living in Kamloops we see the tankers and helicopters flying in and out of the airport all summer. The distinctive motors are sounds we connect with heat, wind, and the smell of smoke that hangs in the valley. In a way it begins to look routine. Planes fly out with retardant or water, planes fly back empty. No big deal… till one doesn’t return.

I couldn’t find any more information about Eric Yuill. If I do find some, and I’ll be looking, I’ll post an update here.


Why was this crazy?
Well, the road, for one thing, and the journey for another. Seriously, who would go on that road twice? That’s just wrong! But the journey… that’s another thing. How often do we say, “Oh, we should do that someday” and never do? Even when that thing is in our own back yard? That’s what makes it crazy. We can talk all we want about the cool things we want to do, but how many times do we actually do them?

Would I do it again?
Oddly enough, I would. If / when I buy a 4X4 vehicle then the ability to make it on the road to Cabin Lake will be my new minimum standard when I make my choice.

Huge thanks to John Buchanan (and Ava), Yvonne Odber, Sophie Odber, Landan Dick, Krista Dick, Jaydan Dick, Jody Lenarcic and Gerry Lenarcic for joining me on this adventure!

For more information:
Pictures and a brief history of Conair #24

The Canadian Fallen Firefighters Foundation (Eric Yuill’s page)

History of Aviation in the BC Forest Service: A pictorial account for the BCFS Centennial November 2011 – Part 2 : Air Tanker Operations

50 Crazy Things in my 50th Year – Thing #9 – The Berg Lake Trail

(Caution: long post ahead, grab plenty of water and snacks before reading!)

 Solivagant – to wander alone / a solitary wanderer

I came across this word, Solivagant, when it popped up in my email as the word of the day for an online dictionary. Sometimes I look at the words, sometimes I don’t. This one screamed at me so I checked it out. It came at a time when I was deciding whether or not to do the 42 Km Berg Lake Trail. It was one of the first Crazy Things I came up with when I was assembling my list and I had a few people I would have liked to do it with. I’ve never backpacked overnight, although I kayaked overnight over 20 years ago on a tour. I also have very limited camping experience so I was a bit nervous about tackling what would be a difficult trail for me and including the overnight elements. All those potential hiking partners were unavailable so I was thinking of abandoning the plan for something else. Then this word came up, and I knew I had to do it alone. I don’t mind travelling alone, but this was a bit out of my comfort zone. It definitely qualified as a crazy thing and I think it was meant to be. I booked the campsites and made my plans a month in advance – I would hike the 42Km Berg Lake Trail alone in early July. On a whim I put out that I needed to borrow camping equipment and I was inundated with offers from many extreme campers who were eagerly offering me their equipment and help. I was overwhelmed. I never expected to have that kind of support. Danielle Bates and her husband have done the trail a number of times and Danielle and I are a similar height and build so I borrowed most of my equipment from her. I’m so grateful for all the offers. I knew I was taken care of and that people I really respected believed in me. I checked out a blog that featured camping recipes – The Yummy Life – and discovered some food options that would work for me. I was set.

The Berg Lake Trail – Day by Day

To Mt. Robson Provincial Park I left Kamloops early Saturday afternoon. Earlier in the day I had received confirmation of some bad medical news about a very good friend – I was devastated, and I was already thinking about another friend who is undergoing treatment for Breast Cancer, so all the news all hit me at once and I cried all the way to Mount Robson. Actually, to be honest, I cried all the way to Little Fort (about 100Kms from Kamloops) when I realized I didn’t have my

Mt. Robson Provincial Park

Mt. Robson Provincial Park

camera bag with me. Photography was one of the major reasons I was going, and my ID and money were in the bag so I couldn’t have gotten gas or anything if I didn’t turn back. The crying turned into cursing, briefly, and then I settled down and just let the day happen. I went back and got the bag, laughed a bit at myself, went to Dairy Queen and got a Blizzard, and got back on the road, crying and listening to music all the way. Four hours later I made it to the Robson Meadows campground in plenty of time. I felt very quiet and reflective. Being alone was perfect.

Day 1 To Kinney Lake

I knew the day was going to be hot so I planned to be on the trail by 6:00 am. I did not too bad, after having breakfast

Kinney Lake
Kinney Lake

(awesome pineapple and coconut porridge) and dumping a cup of chai tea on Danielle’s backpack (sorry!) I got myself organized and started on the trail at 6:45 am. There were plenty of cars but no people. It felt a bit strange and it was already hot. I was wearing hiking shorts and a Merino t-shirt from Icebreaker. Although I packed warmer clothes, this is all I wore for three days. The first 6 Km is a lovely trail that leads to Kinney Lake. If you’re driving by and want to stretch your legs, this is a great hike, not too hard and the reward is stunning. I stopped and rested at the Kinney Lake day shelter, filtered a bit of water, and I was feeling pretty good. I was half way to the Whitehorn campsite.

The trail to Kinney Lake

The trail to Kinney Lake


The trail to Kinney Lake

The trail to Kinney Lake

The trail to Kinney Lake


To Whitehorn

The hiking trail to Whitehorn is frustrating. You leave the water level at the lake and do this long convoluted and steep

Kinney Lake from the trail to Whitehorn

Kinney Lake from the trail to Whitehorn

route through the trees only to descend again and end up crossing the river bed. I found out after there is a horse trail, which was the original hiking trail, that stays on the river bed – shorter and less strenuous as long as the water is low. I took that trail on the way back and it made a huge difference. Once you leave the riverbed you climb up a trail that is quite rocky and exposed. This is where my trouble started. I met my old friend heat exhaustion!

Heat exhaustion is an illness of overheating, often brought on by high temperatures and physical exertion. It’s one step before heat stroke, which is much more serious. Once you have it once you’re more susceptible to getting it again. I am not a hot weather person at all and I had heat exhaustion when I was about 18 – riding home from working as a lifeguard at the Y in downtown Kamloops. We lived out by the airport and my mom was working at Overlander Extended Care at the time. I didn’t make it home, but I managed to walk my bike the last kilometer or so to get to Overlander. When I walked in the door the nurses who worked with my mom were immediately alarmed and sent her home with me – cool house, lots of salt and fluids, rest. It’s a day I’ll never forget and I’m sure my mom won’t either.

The last part of the walk from Kinney Lake to the Whitehorn Campsite felt exactly like that. I was walking maybe 100m before I needed to stop and drink again, catch my breath, and rest a bit. What saved me was something I threw in my bag at the last minute, Cliff Shot Bloks – gummies we use when running long distances. I had absolutely no appetite but I nibbled on these, which are full of electrolytes and carbohydrates, and drank lots of water. They’re pretty much all I could keep down and I plan to keep an emergency stash with me from now on!

Cliff shot bloks

For your reading entertainment, here are the signs and symptoms of Heat Exhaustion (according to WebMD). I am particularly famous for muscle cramps, fatigue, pale skin, profuse sweating and rapid heartbeat.


Dark-colored urine (a sign of dehydration)





Muscle or abdominal cramps

Nausea, vomiting, or diarrhea

Pale skin

Profuse sweating

Rapid heartbeat

I got to the campsite at about 1:00 (I think) and after filtering some more water I managed to set up the tent and lay down for an hour or two which made a huge difference. I noticed that I had absolutely no appetite but I forced myself to have a snack – tuna and crackers, and I didn’t have to pee at all – neither was a good sign. I forced myself to eat some curried rice and I drank buckets of water before going to bed. I also gave myself permission to not continue if I didn’t feel up to it the next morning. I am smart enough to know my limitations and Day 2 was supposed to be my hardest day of all – the climb to Emperor Falls. In the evening the park ranger, who lives in a cabin across the river, came by to chat with people and check their trail

My trail pass

My trail pass

passes. Nobody camps on this trail without a valid pass. She looked at my pass and then look at me, a bit puzzled. “Are you solo?” she asked. I told her I was and she, with obvious respect, said, “Way to go!” I have to admit, I was seriously proud that she was impressed with me. I told her about my heat problems during the day and that I was considering not going any further. If I did go on I was planning to be on the trail by 5:00 am. She told me that if I took my time, had at least 2 litres of water, and was on the trail by 5:00 I’d be fine. There is a part of the next day’s trail that was very exposed on a rock face and she said as long as I was off of that by 10:30 I’d be OK because the sun hits it at about 10:00 and heats up the rocks making that part of the trail pretty uncomfortable later on. I was reassured by her. She was great and I think her words were part of the reason I decided to continue on.

Day 2 To Berg Lake

The trail to Whitehorn, according to the map, included an approximately 100m elevation gain. What they don’t tell you is you do that 100m a bunch of times! The trail from Whitehorn to Berg Lake includes the very steep 4Km to Emperor Falls – a 500m elevation gain in a short distance. For those who are geocachers in Gold Country this is like doing Red Rock in Lillooet twice – but steeper. There is no water available until you get to the Emperor Falls campsite at the top.

Trail to Emperor Falls

Trail to Emperor Falls

Trail to Berg Lake

Trail to Emperor Falls

Trail to Emperor Falls

Trail to Emperor Falls

With Emperor Falls behind me
With Emperor Falls behind me

I was nervous, but I was on the trail by 5:08 with almost 4 litres of water. It was cooler, but not chilly. I was the only

Emperor Falls

Emperor Falls

one up in the campsite. I started picking my way up the trail, conscious of drinking a bit of water at every switchback. There are three huge waterfalls on the trail as you go through the Valley of a Thousand Waterfalls. I used each of these big falls (White Falls, Falls of the Pool, and Emperor Falls) as a milestone – 1/3 of the way, 2/3 of the way, almost at the top. At each one I enjoyed the view (and the solitude), took off my pack and rested. I got into the Emperor Falls campsite at about 9:00. I can’t believe that what was supposed to be the hardest part of the hike was actually the easiest for me. I had a snack (tuna and crackers – pretty much the only real food I ate on the trip) and kept going. I only used 1.5 litres of water on the climb but I felt great. The rest of the way was spectacular and uneventful. I had my major wildlife sighting… two chipmunks… on the exposed part of the trail. They were very entertaining and I was in a pretty good mood. At one point on this trail I was in a long valley leading into Berg Lake. I looked behind me, and ahead, and I saw nobody. It was awe inspiring to be in the Rockies, away from cars and the internet and bad news and good news – just alone. I stood for quite a while and just enjoyed it.

Trail to Berg Lake
Trail to Berg Lake
Wildlife sighting

Wildlife sighting



My first sight of a glacier

My first sight of a glacier

Berg Lake was amazing. I had never seen glaciers in person before this. I got into the campsite at about 11:30, when a lot of the campers were just heading out. After setting up the tent I spent the day napping, listening to the glaciers calving, watching sheets of ice and snow fall from amazing heights, and just being grateful for everything I have, including my health and my courage. I know a lot of people who would never do this alone, and many who physically couldn’t even if they wanted to.

Berg Lake

Berg Lake

Berg Lake
Berg Lake



Gratitude… love the ones you’re with like there’s no tomorrow…

more gratitude… more crying.

It was a multi-kleenex day (actually toilet paper).

All night I listened to the glaciers and the birds, songbirds I don’t usually hear and have no idea what they are. The glaciers sound like groaning and thundering voices. The birds were melodic and light. It was like a symphony. I loved it.

Day 3 Home

Had I been more on the ball, or known more when I planned this trip I would have taken an extra day or two. Maybe one to play around on the day hikes at Berg, and two to get back to the parking area. Instead I got up at 4:00 the next morning and was on the trail again by 5:00 – planning to do the entire 21Km back to the car. It’s all downhill, how hard can it be?

Sunrise at Berg Lake

Sunrise at Berg Lake

Sunrise at Berg Lake

Sunrise at Berg Lake

I was worried about going down the Emperor Falls route because I don’t have great balance and footing and I often slide when going downhill. My new Scarpa boots earned their keep on this part of the trail, though. Thanks to them and my walking poles I never slid, I felt very comfortable going down the steep terrain, and even my knees weren’t complaining too much when I got back to Whitehorn at about 10:30. I had a snack (more tuna and crackers), filtered some more water, and set out again for Kinney Lake and then the parking lot.

Oh, hello heat exhaustion! I missed you… for a day! Blech!

By Kinney Lake I was not in great shape and there was a huge group of Czech tourists in the day rest area so I couldn’t really sit in the shade. Not a great move. I had a hat and a cooling cloth and any time I was near water I was dipping both and putting them back on to try and cool down. The last 2 Km was the worst. It took me eight hours to do the 21 Km but I finally made it back to the parking lot. It was hard, but every step reminded me about my two friends – one in the early stages of treatment and one with a devastating diagnosis – this is hard, I had to remind myself, but it could be so much harder. I’m very lucky I could do this, I could take these steps, lucky I could complain about something like heat and the trivial fact that my feet hurt. Everyone should be as lucky as me. The thing that kept me going, though, was the gratitude. I am so grateful that I gave myself this opportunity. I first read this poem by e.e. cummings years ago and it runs through my head when I most need it. I needed it, and heard it a lot on this special trip.

i thank You God for most this amazing

                by e. e. cummings

i thank You God for most this amazing

day: for the leaping greenly spirits of trees

and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything

which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,

and this is the sun’s birthday; this is the birth

day of life and of love and wings: and of the gay

great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing

breathing any—lifted from the no

of all nothing—human merely being

doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and

now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

All the way down I knew, I could feel, I was getting closer to my regular life. My tech vacation was over, I was going to be inundated with news, people, and responsibilities. I braced myself, but it made the journey back to the car just a little bit harder.

Finally, I made it back to the parking lot. Every time I’ve done 21Km this year (it’s the distance of a half marathon) there was a medal, cheering crowds, a t-shirt and a box of snacks. This time there was just me and some people who had done the day hike to Kinney. I asked them to take my picture so there’s documented proof I did it. I went to the Robson Visitor Centre and bought myself a t-shirt. I had some poutine (salt and carbs), and then prepared for the drive home. My entire three days I had crystal clear blue skies, which were great for photos but not so great for my health. Sitting in the car I looked back up at Mt. Robson and noticed it was hazy behind a cloud of smoke. I got out just in time. The smoke from local forest fires was moving up the valley. The next day there would be fires in Jasper, meaning more smoke. I can’t believe how lucky I was.

My Berg Lake rock

My Berg Lake rock

Would I do it again?

Yes, but I’d be better prepared. I’d have better fitting equipment and I’d know more about the conditions and how I’d respond to them. I would also arrange to have enough time to go slow and enjoy where I am. I saw people doing the entire hike to Berg Lake in one day. They were moving fast and missing sounds, smells, and sights that were right there. I felt sorry for them. I think it’s good to travel alone, and it’s good to take a vacation from technology. I carried my Spot locator and checked in with it (I can only send, not receive messages) whenever I got to a campsite so my mom, and my friends and family knew I was OK, but that was the only technology I had access to. I did something I really wasn’t sure I could do and I’m proud of myself, and always, I’m grateful I have the capability and gave myself the opportunity. I am hoping to do a solo backpacking trip every year. I think gratitude is like a muscle, you have to work it, keep it in shape, nurture it.


DONE! and grateful!

50 Crazy Things in my 50th Year – Thing #8 – Walk above the water

The suspension bridge leading into the Whitehorn campsite

The suspension bridge leading into the Whitehorn campsite


This may seem small when compared to the scale of some of my other crazy things but it’s

A sequence of bridges leading to Berg Lake

A sequence of bridges leading to Berg Lake

important to me and I’m very proud of myself for doing it. While the whole Berg Lake Trail was a challenge for me (blog post to come on that), the suspension bridge leading into the Whitehorn campsite was on my radar as a potential challenge I would need to conquer. My thing is, I like the structures beneath my feet to be firm. I don’t like movement and I don’t like the feeling of having to trust whether or not someone did their job right or that the structure I’m walking on may collapse at any minute. Bridges in general are a bit unnatural to me. I guess I watch too many Indiana Jones-typeIMG_9731 movies – you see a skinny bridge, or a suspension bridge, and you know what comes next. It will collapse, the ends will be cut, or burned, and the whole structure will swing with some poor unsuspecting soul on it. Even large bridges, like the Lions Gate Bridge or the Port Mann Bridge in Vancouver, make me a bit nervous. The sounds change when you’re on a bridge. Things become more focused. I notice I hold my breath until I safely reach the end. It’s not a gripping fear that stops me from going places but I’m definitely aware of all bridges and the fact that they are suspended above great cavernous spaces that I have no control over.

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The Berg Lake trail has a number of bridges that made me nervous. Some were only two pieces of 2X6 stretched over a stream, others were wider. Some had two railings and some only one. All of them made me nervous. The fact that I was carrying a heavy pack didn’t make things easier since my raised centre of gravity made me feel less stable than normal, and I don’t feel stable at the best of times. My ankles wobble on narrow surfaces. I don’t have sure footing, and my heart is pounding so hard I need to rest when I get to the other side. Adding a suspension bridge into the mix made it all the more challenging.

Why is this crazy?

I’ve said before that heights aren’t a problem, and they’re not. But there’s something about bridges that make me very cautious. Where people I know bound effortlessly over them, I pick my way slowly, cautiously, shaking the whole way. Bridges are above nothing. The expanse below is scary and I find them slightly unnatural. Suspension bridges are the worst. Suspension bridges move. They don’t seem to be attached to anything solid. They seem fragile and free thinking – something I don’t like in structures that are supposed to support me. It’s hard to explain why this is crazy. It didn’t make me want to vomit or pass out, but crossing a suspension bridge is definitely not something I have actively sought out… until this year. There will be another one in the fall if all goes well. This is a starter.

Crossing and swinging

As suspension bridges go, this one is probably pretty tame. The sides are chain link fencing, which feels pretty solid. I don’t think the wood pieces you step on are in much danger of falling off and I don’t think the cables holding the bridge are likely to snap…. But… it could happen!

The lack of solid ground felt strange and the fact that the deck of this bridge (not sure what it’s called – the part you

Suspension bridge leading to the Whitehorn campsite

Suspension bridge leading to the Whitehorn campsite

walk on) isn’t even close to level made me very nervous. I think it has about a twenty degree lean which made me question the engineering skills of the person who designed and built it – and that made me question the rest of the structure. We weren’t really high above the water, but the river was moving in rapids and it was hard not to look at it and imagine myself tumbling down into the white foam.

My pack felt heavier. My legs were tired, and didn’t seem to want to bend. Not one part of this was pleasant or effortless. I had a brief thought about taking a picture from the middle of the bridge but my hands were shaking so much I was pretty sure I’d drop the camera so I decided against it. Oddly enough, and this surprised me, the worst part of the bridge was not the part that was suspended, it was the ramps leading up and down. They were narrow, wobbly and I felt I was going to lose my balance on them. Crossing wasn’t as bad as I imagined it would be but I did breathe a sigh of relief when I got to the end. I nearly crawled down the ramp on the other side, though, which was a bit embarrassing since there were people waiting to get on the bridge and only one person was allowed on at a time. I had to do it twice and it wasn’t really any easier the second time, but I had to go across to get home!

Would I do it again?



Absolutely (immersion therapy – desensitizing myself to the sensations). I think I’ll be doing another, longer, suspension bridge in October. Pretty sure I won’t have a 40lb pack on my back so that should make the balance a tiny bit easier! Maybe next time I drive into Vancouver I won’t hold my breath going across the Port Mann Bridge… maybe!